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Monday, 24 August 2009

image for Civil Liberties Detainee Retreat to Open in Michigan
"The Jacuzzi's broke again!"

Standish MI: A maximum security prison in this city was under consideration to house the Guantanamo detainees, instead of the federal prison located in Fort Leavenworth KN.

Michigan's governor and some members of the state's congressional delegation voiced their severe concerns to the federal government. The new prisoners posed a greater security risk than U.S. criminals, as members of the Taliban or Al Qaeda would be housed in MI.

Then American free enterprise came to the rescue when the prison was bought by a civil liberties group, who made MI an offer the state could not refuse. The federal government also has agreed to provide the guards from Guantanamo, the U.S. Naval Base in Cuba, to maintain social continuity with the detainees.

Some of the retreat's amenities are; 24 hour lawyer availability, limousine service to and from federal court, Kosher food items (life is tough), unlimited cookies and milk, 72 conjugal visits per year, Reverend Louis Farrakhan on premises 24 hours seven days per week and the retreat's barbed wire fences covered with flowers.

A spokesperson said "the 280 workers laid off from the prison will not be hurt economically, as they are now the various concession owners located outside the prison gates, I mean the retreat gates. Standish could well become a tourist destination vice a terrorism target." Additionally, "US taxpayer dollars are not involved as funding comes from an anonymous spelunker located in Afghanistan."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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