FT. LAUDERDALE, FL (ABSNN) - Hudson Hayward Hemingway, a 4-month-old Chihuahua puppy, was dog napped from a Wilton Manors gay bar sometime in July according to the Broward State Attorney's Office.
The dog's owner, Brian Dortort (why are so many gay guys named Brian?), claims he allowed a man with a Britney Spears tattoo to hold the dog at a birthday party, and then the man absconded with his pet. He has been searching for both for weeks now.
"I identified the bitch that stole my bitch," the 48-year-old Dortort did not say to ABSNN.
However, the Broward County State's Attorney has yet to decide whether to press charges against the unidentified bitch stealing bitch.
The missing dog was last seen inside a faggy pet bag, and was wearing "pink earrings," Dortort said Thursday.
That alone should get Dortort arrested for animal cruelty.