DENVER, Colo - The flying saucer that landed 1.5 miles East of Parker Road and 1/4 mile South of Arapaho Road in Arapaho county, Colorado last night produced a spokesman from a star 100 light years from Earth.
He introduced himself as Mr. Gourmand. After explaining where he came from, he announced the purpose of his visit.
He said he came all that way to quash stories about aspartame being harmful. He said it was just a ten minute ride on his ship.
He stated to a large group of the press that there was nothing to worry about. Aspartame is good for us, and to do what ever the T.V. tells us to do.
However, just as Mr. Gourmand was walking back to his ship to return to his home, I heard him laughing and distinctly heard him say. "I can't wait to serve mankind. I like them medium rare, and very fat. Thanks to aspartame!"