OPAWAHAHA, FL (ABSNN) - BuckWheatsButt, 58, the Perlitzer Prize winning, number one journalist, for TheSpoof.com, was arrested and booked into the slam in the Okeechobee County Sheriff's Office Saturday afternoon.
He was charged with, and convicted, without benefit of trial by jury, of being none other than Fugitive Sex Slave, Back Woods Buck, the star of scores of nameless, yet well known, one-reel, pornographic films shown in peep shows throughout the world (but mostly in rural Florida).
"Are you, or are you not, naughty Back Woods Buck, Mr. Wheat?" asked US Magistrate Guilty Guilty Throw em in the Slam Slim, during the Saturday evening arraignment.
"I am not, sir!" replied Butt.
"Do you, Mr. Wheat, possess a 48" long penis?" asked the judge.
"Only when I fold it in half, your Honor," replied the fugitive.
But he was soon proved to be a liar and a cock jock.
A keen eyed partaker of peep show porno, Monsignor Francois Dubois, S.J., who many claim (yet remains to be proven) "was just looking for one measly excuse, just one, to have BuckWheatsButt locked away," alerted the US Marshals Office to Mr. Butts whereabouts according to unnamed, most likely, lying dogs inside the Attorney General's Office.
"Monsignor Dubois reported that 'a man with a schlong as long as Secret Agent 004, Bargis Tryhol's' was spotted Thursday evening wearing a firefighter's hat, while urinating to put out a bush fire," stated the arrest report obtained by ABSNN.
It was not immediately clear to court observers how the Jesuit priest came by such incontrovertible evidence such as the 351 grainy, but clearly life-sized photographs, as those he turned over to authorities that led to Butt's arrest.
Back Woods Buck will be returned to his rightful owner, Hanford Hewers, a Los Angeles gazillionare, under the terms of the 19th century Fugitive Sex Slave Law upheld by the Supreme Court in the landmark Dead Shott decision.
"I had nothing to gain by turning this degenerate into authorities," said Monsignor Dubois, as he pocketed the $69,696,696.69 in reward money.