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Friday, 21 August 2009

image for San Francisco Man Plunders Adam Lambert's Hot Commodities!
"I thought I'd seen it all," said Lefty. "Just what the hell are you supposed to do with THIS thing?"

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Some fans like to flick their lighters at concerts to show their appreciation, while others throw flowers and panties. Fans of America's Got Idols runner-up Adam Lambert seem predisposed to pelting him with sex toys and other naughty accessories when he takes the stage.

Though Lambert has not been keen to put the items to use, Lefty Hitchcock of San Francisco, California, said that's okay with him; Lambert allows him to collect the discarded dildos after every show.

"I heard stories about the sex toy thing, so I decided to check it out for myself," said Lefty, leaning over the side of his overflowing truck to grab another armload of adult toys. "I drove my pickup to one of his concerts and, brother, let me tell you. You wouldn't believe it! It's like this every time!!"

Lefty indicated his adult toy store had been hit hard by the economy, but all the top-quality free merchandise he has been able to retrieve from Lambert's concerts brought his business from the brink of bankruptcy back into the black in a matter of weeks.

"Just look at this red-leather tasseled whip!" he said, whistling. "Excellent quality, and these purple fur-lined handcuffs? Very nice. Here, take a look at this 12-inch glow-in-the-dark penis! What a beaut!! Man, I may have to take some of this stuff home to the Mrs! What do you..."

Lefty was cut short as the rear axle of his truck snapped under the heavy load, sending several vibrators rolling down his driveway and out into the street.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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