Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 21 August 2009

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Britney Spears during a recent rehearsal for her upcoming "No Clothes Tour."

LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears is getting ready to kick off her big concert tour which is being hailed as The Britney Spears Naked At The Circus Tour also known as The No Clothes Tour.

Spears will perform in 49 cities starting off in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada and ending up in Tierra Del Fuego, Argentina.

Kershaw Moxley, Britney's tour director has said that every performance is already sold out. He added that you cannot even get tickets on eBay.

When asked what makes this tour different from the others Moxley quickly points out the fact that Miss Spears will be performing wearing absolutely no clothing, nothing, zilch, nada, as they say in East Los Angeles.

The unique aspect of this totally nude performance is that there will be no wasted time waiting for Spears to make clothing and costume changes which sometimes can take up to seven or eight minutes between songs.

Left Coast Internet blogger Perez Hilton is reporting that other female performers like the Simpson girls, Jessica and Ashlee, as well as Katy Perry, Amy Winehouse, Lady GaGa, and even Shania Twain are seriously considering going the same No Clothes Tour route.

A spokesperson for Canadian resident Shania Twain has disclosed that because the singer's home country is usually pretty cold, Miss Twain has decided that her next concert tour will cover South America.

She plans to preview her new No Clothes Tour down where the weather is nice and warm and if all goes well then she will schedule a 2010 No Clothes Tour for the United States.

Word out of Nashville is that country performer Wynonna Judd has expressed to her manager Bobby Bob Coinmaker that she may be interested in going out on a No Clothes Tour herself.

Coinmaker told Judd, making extremely sure that he was very careful in his choice of words, that he did not want to offend her but that deep down inside he really had a gut feeling that there would just not be too many folks who would be willing to pay a lot of money to see her perform in the nude seeing as how she probably tips the scales at somewhere around 247 or so.

Wynonna got highly offended. "Look Bobby Bob," She pointed out. "I am not really that much overweight. The fact of the matter is that I just happen to be short for my weight...damn short okay?

But I really believe that there are thousands of red-blooded, beer guzzlin' redneck American men out there who would love to see a real pretty full-figured, buxom, statuesque woman such as myself in a natural setting."

"You mean like at a weight-loss spa?" He asked.

"Dammit! Bobby Bob. Are you stupid or just plain dumb? I just got through telling you that I ain't fat, I'm just too son-of-a-bitchin' short for my tremendous weight!"

"Gotcha. Okay Wy, I will see what I can do. I'll go get on it right away."

"Great. Oh and Bobby Bob, before you go could you please be a dear and go to the fridge and make me a ham and salami sandwich, with three cheese slices one cheddar, one Swiss, one Monterrey Jack, two slices of tomatoes, some lettuce, a pickle, half a grilled onion, and a sliced banana with the seeds removed please. Thank you so much sweety."

And so the latest thing for female concert tours appears to be the new No Clothes Tour look.

In a related story. It is being reported by the BBC in London that Sir Elton John is apparently excited about the new type of No Clothes Tour.

And he is actually considering it for himself. A reliable legal source from Manchester however has acknowledged that the British government has made it very clear that if Sir Elton decides to go along with his No Clothes Tour he will be arrested even before the flaming flamer hits his first musical piano note.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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