Written by Rebut
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Topics: weapons, sweden

Saturday, 17 July 2004

image for Hans Blix The Movie
Hans Blix And Booomsa Lazy Son Of A...........

Warner Brothers have confirmed that they will be releasing a film on the life of UN weapons inspector Hans Blix, in the Fall. Commissioned by George Bush and funded by Haliburton, Hans Blix will be shot on location in Sweden.

But enough about the ending ; 'Hans Blix der Sperminator' tells the story of a mild-mannered Swedish diplomat, who is thrust into the limelight when called upon by Koffie Andnaan to head UNMOVIC (United Nations Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission)

Charged with the task of establishing whether Iraq has weapons of mass destruction he set about his task with typical Hans Blix vigour. He flew in, raced around the country in 4 x 4's, found nothing and flew out.

When the American and British delegations at the UN called him a moron he told them that he was totally unmovic.

He had of course met members of British Intelligence prior to furnishing his report to the UN's Security Council. In John Scarlett's book to be released in August, 'Was my face red?' he laments a missed opportunity.

"We met with Blix in a sidestreet cafe in New York. Blix kept whistling a tune from 'Fiddler on the roof', which we couldn't quite place at the time. Weeks later it hit us : It was 'If I were a rich man'. I daren't tell Dick Cheney, even now".

Blix is famous for comparing Britain and America's attempt to make a case for war, with a company advertising the sale of a fridge. How everyone laughed at the diplomat from Sweden. To date members of the CIA still miss him...although to be fair the last effort was only foiled by bullet proof glass.

It's all in the movie, including the time he headed the Swedish delegation to disarmement talks in Geneva. Blix was successful and the Swedish army agreed to turn in it's entire armoury - the flicknife itself being handed by none other than the Sperminator himself.

But it would be wrong of us to dismiss Blix as some sort of crank who should be disregarded. As Dick Cheney said : "What can we say about Hans Blix that hasn't already been said about Piles?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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