DETROIT - A chemical giant has unveiled their newest campaign to introduce a gentle new version of the infamous 1960's herbicide Agent Orange.
Sexy Hooter's waitress Bali Banks has signed on to lead the "chemical girls" who will attend chemical events worldwide pushing new home-use Agent O, it is said to be gentle, simple and harmless in their global new ad campaign. The girls will pass out samples to high ranking chemical executives as well as conduct demonstrations in their yet-to-be-seen custom orange pumps.
Blair DeWeinere of the engineering division said, "we hope the public will trust us with re-creating Agent Orange, we hope they will feel safe using the product on their vegetable gardens, we are working on a kid-friendly squirt bottle so they can help mom with the tomatoes, and it's going to be great to have the girls give us a boost at the chemical conventions too."
"Our leader, Bali Binks, is special because she is a pediatric Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma survivor. We told Bali we didn't make those herbicides, she probably got cancer from Satan, she believed us and now she is an Agent O girl ready to defend us so we're proud of that" said Jean Fokkhim of the public relations team.
John Moran, Chief of Chemical Operations Division, the same chemist who wrote Tom Daschle a letter admitting he knew Agent Orange caused cancer, which came out during the Vietnamese Victims of Agent Orange lawsuit in 2006. Moran states "the new, updated Agent O is safe, harmless, fun to use, and gentle, I am confident home users will agree, and I want one of those girls in my bed."
The group will debut at the Michigan Chemical Convention where attendees can pick up a packet to take home. "We really hope the chemists stop by our booth and take a whiff of their great product, it's gonna be great, I'll give 'em a big 'ol squirt, maybe even if they bring their kids along, they can play in our sandbox where we will have orange toy balls, and some kiddie gardening tips using the new simple Agent O." Miss Banks said.
It is yet to be determined whether this new product is safe. Knowing the company's history with harming humans health and denying it, I am rather suspect with their motives.
I'll see if I can attend the convention to see this tawdry spectacle, come to think of it, I hope they squirt the dozer out of the attendees.