Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 18 August 2009

image for Amy Winehouse To Star In "The Boy George Story"
The bottom of Amy Winehouse's feet, which is the only part on her body that is not covered with a tattoo.

LONDON - Amy Winehouse's talent agency has confirmed that the somewhat odd-as-hell singer will indeed be starring in the Martello Pellegrini film The Boy George Story.

The 25-year-old much tattooed, much pierced, much poked Winehouse is thrilled that she gets to play a (person) who has always been her idol, even when she was two-years-old.

As a little two-year-old, Amazonia (her real name) used to sit in front of her telly (tv) and watch Boy George (tv) perform with his band Culture Club. And the little English toddler would emulate Boy George's effeminate actions, mannerisms, traits, and exaggerated cosmetic application.

She would sit for hours and using an old discarded dildo as a microphone she would sing songs by Boy George & The Culture Club.

Her favorites were "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me," "I'll Tumble 4 Ya," "Karma Chameleon," and "If You Think My Makeup Is Hideous, You Should See My Nipples."

Little Amazonia got very good at mimicking Boy George both appearance wise and verbally. She eventually graduated up to eyeshadow, eyeliner, lipstick, lip-syncing, and falsies.

When Amy learned that she was going to be portraying Boy George she immediately called him up at The Petula Clark Prison For Blokes in London where he is presently incarcerated.

She asked him if she could come visit him and he agreed as long as she brought him his favorite food, a bag of Granny Gertie's Sausage Crumpets. Amy readily agreed.

When she arrived at the prison she was personally escorted to Boy George's cell by the prison's Warden Sebastapol Pickens.

Warden Pickens told Winehouse that he would allow her to visit inmate #74316869 (Boy's official prison number ID) just as long as she did not try to touch him below his belt.

While in his cell Amy took off all of her clothes and underwear and showed the Boy each one of her 93 tattoos. The Boy especially liked the one that she had on her labia majora, which was a tattoo of a labia minora.

Amy asked if he could teach her two of his latest songs so that she could use them in the new movie and he said that it would be his pleasure.

He taught her how to sing "Don't Let These Prison Clothes Fool Ya, Underneath I'm Wearing A Pair Of Delicious Daisy Dukes" and one of his favorite songs "My Ass Might Be In Prison, But My Heart's In Manchester."

Winehouse soon left but not before signing a contract which will pay her 5,000 pounds ($8,210.91 U.S.) to perform a prison concert for the prisoners as well as for providing a conjugal visit to one lucky (?) convict who's name will be picked from the 3,000 inmates in a prison-wide drawing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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