Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: John Edwards

Monday, 24 August 2009

image for John Edwards and Mark Sanford To Star In "Leave It To Beaver - The Movie"
A recent photo of Senator John Edwards. The photographer noted that Edwards was wearing a condom at the time.

HOLLYWOOD - Warner Brothers Pictures has just announced that they have signed Senator John Edwards of North Carolina and Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina to star in the Angelo Scappalini production of "Leave It To Beaver - The Movie."

The motion picture is based on the old late 50s early 60s sit-com "Leave It To Beaver" which starred Jerry Mathers as The Beaver and Tony Dow as his older brother Wally.

In the new movie from Warner Brothers Edwards will play the "Beave" and Sanford will star as Wally. The two Cleaver brothers are now all grown up and both have gone into politics.

Beaver Cleaver has been elected Senator of Montana and brother Wally has been elected governor of Wyoming.

Senator Edwards was asked by CNN's Wolf Blitzer what made him decide to go into movies. Edwards brushed back his hair, smiled his toothpaste smile, and said that he had one million reasons.

Blitzer asked him to explain. And Edwards said that Warner Brothers will be paying him $1 million to appear in the movie. He grinned and said that $1 million will sure buy a lot of baby diapers, baby rattles, baby pacifiers, and Gerber baby food products.

Wolf asked Gov. Sanford why he had decided to go into movies. Sanford put some lip balm on his lips and replied that he was getting paid tons and tons of money and that it would sure come in handy for things such as plane tickets, flowers, and condoms.

In the film, Senator Edward's character Senator Pierre Gigolier finds himself falling in love with a very beautiful 47-year-old pole dancer (the iron bar kind not the Warsaw kind) and he strikes up a conversation with her about the fact that she does not have any cellulite anywhere on her body, not even one little tiny piece of cottage cheese.

She tells him that it is in the genes. He smiles and says "Talking about being in the jeans, how about you and I go back to my place and I fix us some Mango Margaritas and see if I can't get lucky."

The pole dancer named Madison Haystack asks him, "Why do you want me to go with you to your place if you are after this girl Lucky?"

The senator laughs and he says that he likes a girl who likes to play like she is kind of on the dumb side. Madison stands up, grabs her purse and pole and hurries out the door.

Governor Sanford's character Governor Mackio Bycastle finds out that his Peruvian-born wife Milagrosa Encantada-Bycastle is having an affair with his chauffeur Monquail Candleshop.

The governor doesn't really mind too much because he doesn't really like Milagrosa very much anyway ever since he caught her last year committing an adulterous act behind the pool with the guys that were putting in the jacuzzi, the Galapoochi brothers Rizzo, Bianco, and Novello.

Since that day he has fallen in love with the governor's mansion's downstairs maid, Minnie Middlesex who he has transferred to be the upstairs maid.

After first reading the script Governor Sanford was not sure if he could play the role and make it believable. The film's assistant director Marlando Dippleweather looked at him and said, "Governor, I have seen you all over the news channels. Trust me, you can pull it off."

In a developing story. Word on the street is that Jon Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus Eight since announcing that he and Kate are getting a divorce is currently on his eighth girlfriend. Kate, meanwhile confided to CNN's Anderson Cooper that she has about a four-month supply of Duracell's left.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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