HOLLYWOOD - A reliable source has verified that Lindsay Lohan, on-again, off-again girlfriend of Samantha Ronson is in fact now dating Chaz Bono, aka the former Chastity Bono recent recipient of SRS (sexual reassignment surgery).
The unnamed source who's initials are B.S. said that her cousin R.W. is good friends with LiLo's ex-hair stylist Mr. B.B. [EDITOR'S NOTE: In keeping with our standard journalistic policy of revealing the actual names behind the initials, B.S. is Buffy Saddleback. R.W. is Renee Wicklow. And B.B. is Bruce Boxbush.]
Mr. B.B. recently had a client who informed him that she had seen LiLo at a Chevron Gasoline Station in Huntington Beach and Chaz was pumping gas while LiLo was pumping Chaz causing what sexologists refer to as a peniserectusola or in more common easy to understand terms an enlarging of Mr. Happy Guy.
When Lindsay was asked by Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart what it was about Chaz that attracted her to him. LiLo blushed and answered two things. She said that one Chaz makes her feel like a complete woman and two, Chaz is hung like a damn Missouri mule.
She went on to say that since her sex-change operation Chaz is now three times the man that Samantha (Ronson) thought she was. LiLo giggled and said that Chaz does not even need to wear a condom.
When Chaz was asked what exactly was it about Lindsay that attracted her the most.
Chaz grinned, took a puff from her Marlboro Light and answered, "Well that's an easy one; her boobs, her ass, her legs, her smile, her lips, her toes, her tongue, her teeth, and her gorgeous-looking crotch region. Ahhh did I mention her ass?"
A good friend of Bono's said that she has never seen Chaz happier. And Chaz told her that she is planning on getting a tattoo with the name 'LiLo' tattooed on her plastic wiener.
She blushed and added that Chaz had said that since it is plastic it's not gonna hurt one bit. She said that she wanted to have 'This big boy belongs to Lindsay Lohan' tattooed on her meat puppet but that she felt that it might seem like she was kind of showing off a little bit.
When Lindsay was told about Chaz's newly proposed groin tattoo she blushed and started smiling from ear-to-ear. She composed herself and confessed that Chaz has picked out the biggest lap flute in the entire 74-page catalog put out by The Ding Dong Dong Company located in St. Petersburg, Florida.
LiLo said that she has literally seen hundreds and hundreds of peckers in her life, but that she has never seen one bigger than the one-eyed anaconda that lives between her sweet Chaz's legs.
SIDENOTE: Lindsay confided to CNN's Anderson Cooper that Chaz's zipperfish is even bigger than the seven or eight NBA ones that she has seen.