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Monday, 17 August 2009

image for Survey Proves That Businesses Prefer College Bums To Self-Made Hard Workers
Does this image look distorted to you? It could be evidence that you are a college student.

The Council Of Advancing Public Education has released its annual 'Survey Of General Hiring Trends In U.S. And European Companies' again finding that businesses and government agencies in general would prefer to hire drunk-assed college graduates than individuals who worked their way up through the system.

The survey examined colleges in the industrial nations of the world and found that although the majority of students had spent most of their college years drinking, drugging, partying and chasing tail, they were still the employees of choice over those who slaved away and worked hard in the world straight after high school.

"It's that sheepskin that matters in our modern world." says job Councilor Matt Overbrain. "It doesn't matter if you worked like Hercules or are a natural born genius- that crack addict with the Bachelor's degree in psychology whose daddy paid for it all will have more clout than you do. There is a famous saying among Human Resources Departments throughout the western world- "Hands that are dirty are not worthy, hands that are clean- hire and preen."

The success of this system can be seen by the sort of graduates that have come out of Colleges and gone on to be famous- George Bush II, Dick Cheney and Pee Wee Herman.

Compare them with the likes of famous men who did not finish college- Bill Gates, Howard Hughes and Thomas Alva Edison.

Remember that scene in Animal House where cut-up John Belushi goes on to be a Senator and to marry the most attractive woman on campus? It may be more real than you think.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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