MALIBU BEACH, California - California state police have arrested My Life On The D-List reality show star Kathy Griffin on charges that she illegally sold explicit photos of Joan Rivers' vagina (crotch cookie) on eBay.
Ms. Griffin of course denied the charges saying that Joan has been trying to get back at her ever since she appeared on the Joan Rivers Roast and said a lot of unfavorable things about 'The Queen of Comedy.'
Detective Pryton Biffinhaus who was the arresting officer said that Ms. Griffin did not put up any resistance at all.
He said that she kept asking if she could sit in the front seat instead of the backseat of the police car so that her neighbors would think that she was going out on a date instead of going down to the police station.
Detective Biffinhaus said that he had no problem with that just as long as she didn't try anything funny. Griffin laughed and said that she was a comedian so everything that she tries will hopefully be funny.
Biffinhaus smiled and told her that was a good one!
Griffin did ask if she could bring along Mr. Bruiser. He asked who Mr. Bruiser was. And she replied that Mr. Bruiser was her electric vibrator.
Detective Biffinhaus told her that it would be better if she left Mr. Bruiser in her home because she was already in enough trouble without adding any more charges to the situation.
On their way to the station house, Griffin managed to take off her jeans and sat on the seat wearing her Spiderman bikini thongs.
Detective Biffinhaus pulled into a convenience store parking lot and told her to put her jeans back on. Griffin told him that she was hot. He pulled out his service revolver and he told her again to put on her jeans.
She again told him that she was hot and he replied that if she did not put her jeans back on within five seconds he was going to add public lewdness to the charges.
Griffin managed to put her jeans back on in four seconds. As they drove off to the police station Officer Biffinhaus asked Griffin why (Joan) Rivers was so mad at her.
Griffin known throughout the country as "The Countess of Cussing" replied that Joan was upset because she had said that Rivers has had so many face lifts that her friggin' hooha (bikini burger) has now ended up next to her wisdom teeth.
She said that Joan is so old that she once dated Daniel Boone. Kathy added that Rivers once had a menage-a-trois with Johnny Appleseed and Paul Bunyan.
She laughed and said that the little blonde woman's damn thighs are so wrinkled she uses them to stash coins.
Kathy took a drink from her Anaconda Shooter and said that Joan is so old that she can remember when there were only two freakin' Great Lakes instead of five.
Griffin went on to say that Joanie was born two years before bread was invented and that she is so damn ugly and scary looking that when she goes to a fast food restaurant and gets to the drive-thru window the attendant takes one look at her and yells, "Whoa! Damn! Drive THRU bitch quick!"
SIDENOTE: Kathy Griffin says that Rivers has supposedly spent over $200,000 on face lifts, botox, liposuction, and about 10 other cosmetic procedures. Griffin giggles and says that if she had spent half that much on herself she would now look like Keira Knightley, but with red hair and tits of course.