Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Drugs, Baseball, Steroids

Monday, 17 August 2009

image for Baseball Batboy Arrested For Growing Anabolic Steroids
Marlon "Mr. Muscles" Moneyfelt before he began taking the anabolic steroids that were sold to him by the batboy.

DULUTH, Minnesota - When you first look at little 12-year-old Tibbie Stockinette he appears to be just like any other red-blooded American little boy. He has dishwater blonde hair, Colorado sky blue eyes, and nine freckles on his nose.

But as they say, don't let the good looks fool ya. Stockinette who has been the official batboy for The Duluth Doodle Bugs of The Upper Northland Minor League was recently arrested by Duluth police and charged with growing anabolic steroids in his mom and dad's backyard.

DPD Officer Noah Wakafuma said that he searched the Stockinette's backyard and found 27 anabolic steroid plants growing underneath the Stockinette's double-wide trailer.

At first, Tibbie denied any knowledge of the plants, saying that he never goes to the backyard, but when Officer Wakafuma showed him Google satellite photos that clearly showed him watering, hoeing, fertilizing, and talking to the plants little Tibbie turned as red as a chimpanzee's chundini (butt) and he fessed up.

Wakafuma talked to Duluth Doodle Bug manager K.K. Kattzenbaum and told him that his batboy had been arrested.

Kattzenbaum immediately remarked, "I knew that sooner or later that darn boy would get arrested for growing marijuana in his parents backyard. I just knew it.

Wakafuma replied that it wasn't marijuana.

"Oh, then I guess he was arrested for selling cocaine."

"No."

"Heroin?"

"No."

"Well officer, I'm afraid I may have already said too much. Can you tell me what Tibbie was arrested for."

The officer replied that Tibbie Stockinette had been arrested for growing anabolic steroids.

Kattzenbaum asked him if Tibbie had revealed who he had sold the anabolic steroids to.

Officer Wakafuma told Kattzenbaum that he was hoping that maybe he could help him with that one.

The Dulutch manager asked him how he figured that.

Wakafuma asked him which of his players looked like Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Jose Canseco, or Mark McGwire.

He answered right away Marlon "Mr. Muscles" Moneyfelt, Elrod "The Arms" Farruca, and Ricardo "The Havana Hulk" Pasajero.

Wakafuma asked Kattzenbaum if he had any concrete evidence that the three players had been taking the anabolic steroids.

Kattzenbaum replied that he wasn't sure because he had never seen them naked.

Officer Wakafuma informed him that he would be going down to Doodle Bug Stadium the following day and interviewing the three players before the game.

SIDENOTE: When officer Wakafuma arrived at Doodle Bug Stadium to interview Moneyfelt, Farruca, and Pasajero he was told by the equipment manager that Moneyfelt and Farruca had been traded to the Aberdeen Anguses and that Pasajero had suddenly returned to Cuba to attend a niece's quinceanera (a 15-year-old girl's coming out to society party).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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