Washington D.C. - The Ape Pee News Service is reporting, and the White House has now confirmed that the disheveled African-American man police picked up last week for trespassing, who was almost tasered for resisting arrest and cited for obstructing a police officer, was indeed President Barrack Obama.
The incident took place behind the Castle, the original home of the Smithsonian Institution, where The loading dock and dumpster areas are monitored by surveillance cameras twenty four hours a day. The security personal are used to finding people rummaging through the dumpsters and having to chase them off, so when they saw a disheveled African American man sorting through the trash, they weren't surprised.
National Park Service Police were notified and quickly responded to the scene about 2:00 A.M. last Thursday night.
They found the man waist deep in a dumpster with several Soviet artifacts hidden on his person, more in a black trash bag next to the dumpster and yet another bag full, hidden in the bushes, several yards away.
The police report described the man as being extremely uncooperative. He was handcuffed and placed in a squad car, all the while protesting his innocence. Witnesses reported that the man was screaming, kicking, and insisting that he was the president of the United States.
After further investigation surprised police officials determined that he was indeed the president. Mr. Obama is famous for slipping through security at the White House and sneaking off for a hamburger or a drive-in movie and this isn't the first time he's been found scavenging through the trash in the middle of the night. White House Spokesperson, Rick Sanchez, described it as "an ongoing problem".
When asked why such items were in the dust bin in the first place a spokesman for the Smithsonian said, "People are always giving us stuff they think is valuable and this Soviet tripe are amongst the most common items we receive. It's utter nonsense of course, so we usually just toss it. Still, people know where to find it and discouraging dumpster diving for such material is a constant headache."