In a noble but misguided effort, members of a Vigilante group from Texas attempted to kill both Stephen King in Maine and John Carpenter -back visiting his home place in Kentucky where he had returned to see the family and the place where he grew up -this morning.
The group's leader, Burley Watson, happily announced their achievement in a news conference in Dallas.
"Well, we peart neart got both of those rascals, shore nuff. They won't be terrorizing our youngens anymore cause they'd be scared to. (Spit). Me and some of the boys took care of that this morning."
While it was apparently easy to track down a still hobbled Stephen King, King escaped when the vigilante group were almost ran over by a man and his dog in a van. "But we gave old King something to thank about", stated Burley.
However, the group admitted to some collateral damage in Bowling Green, Kentucky.
"Yeah, a few people got in the way there in Bowling Green but we think the families will be grateful and understand their sacrifice for a higher cause", spat Watson.
Carpenter apparently fled the By-Pass, Morgantown Road, Cemetery Street- all mentioned in his movies "Halloween" and "The Fog" so the gang from Texas were ready, but had a problem with pedestrians getting in the way.
At least one person approved, Adrienne Barbeau, John Carpenter's ex-wife.
"I hope you gave John the scare of his life! I hope he has nightmares like I do. He wanted me in that "The Fog" thing and I've been terrified of fogs ever since. Maybe that will all clear up now."
Back in Texas a fight broke out as Watson and his whole gang were arrested and hauled off to jail with his last words being "...that's the thanks you get!"