LAS VEGAS - - A Health Care package being spearheaded by former President George Bush and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich promises total and complete health care coverage for all Americans.
The plan, which was the result of week long brain storming in Las Vegas, calls for all medical and health issues to be handled in an outsourced manner by Indian medical companies.
Said president Bush, "It's high time that all American citizens benefited by the same high medical standards that India employs. I'm talking about that county over there on the other side of Germany, not those heathens people that we whipped. I mean look how well those real Indians take care of their cows, which are scared. American should be honored to be looked after that well. Hell, the state of Texas don't look after their people as good. I should know."
The president estimated the cost to each family would not exceed $500 per year. "Hey," he said, "how's that for cheap per cost." Newt Gingrich quickly jumped in and chastised Mr. Bush with, "George, shut the hell up and let me do the talking, OK, you're not the President any more."
For his part Newt Gingrich vowed that under their program every citizen would finally be covered. "Every one will have a toll free number. All they have to do is call that number."
Gingrich explained, "Every medical procedure, every necessary test, all surgery will preformed at no additional cost. Everything will be covered, except transportation to and from India. Well, who knows, if things don't work out they won't need a return ticket. Just think of how much more money that will save."
"And," said Mr. Bush, "what's even better is that the criminals in prison, you know the ones who have been convicted of a crime, only get a one way ticket regardless."
Mr. Bush also noted how the week in Las Vegas eased his mind and lifted his worries. "After being President all them years I felt like my whole body was one big clogged pipe, but no more. Vegas cleaned my pipes real good."
Newt Gingrich then put this arm around Mr. Bush's shoulders and proclaimed, "Really, I'm proud to have George Bush as my friend. This is just another example of his world view. Iraq, Guantanamo, India, the whole world's always been in play for George."