Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 8 August 2009

image for ACORN Announces Methods for Census Taking
ACORN wants you to stand up and be counted, unless they ignore you

ACORN, the organization that bought the election for Premiere Obama, has announced the guidelines that they will use when counting the U.S. Census in 2010.

This is the first time that a private organization will be in charge of the counting and not the U.S. Census Bureau.

Travis Lamont Mustaffah Mohammed Mumbolips, a spokesman for the organization, issued the following statement:

"When we be counting you folks, we gonna do some things different and such. We know that most Meskins put 25 people in an apartment of 50 people in a house, so we gonna count 'em like that in teh Meskin neighborhoods."

"We also know that all the black and Meskin girls can have two babies per year (if they don't have twins), so we gonna give 'em credit for those two kids on the census and start sending their appropriate welfare checks when we count 'em."

"We know that folks in states that voted for McCain are just too stupid to live, so we figure that they are dead... and that we ain't gotta count the dead (except those in the minority ghettos cuz they need their welfare assistance)."

"We're also gonna take whatever number of Moslems we get and double that, cuz they're sneaky and like to hide."

The Obama administration has already issued to ACORN details on what they want the count to be, and ACORN has assured Comrade Obama that he will get the numbers he wants. After all, he doesn't call them his "brownshirts" for nothing!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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