President George W. Bush, after declining to address the NAACP National Convention, has apparently decided that he has to talk to some African Americans somewhere before the election in November, so he will speak to the National Urban League in Detroit on July 23rd.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " Sure we got a little spooked at the thought of George Bush standing in front of a couple of thousand NAACP Blacks, telling them that they're better off after four years of Bush policies; we were kind of afraid they wouldn't see the humor of it and just pelt him with rotting fruit. On the other hand, we knew that there had to be some Blacks somewhere that were safe to get near and we settled on the National Urban League. Don't ask me why. I mean Jesus, why should these guys like Bush any better than the NAACP? I suggested he just address Colin Powell, Elaine Chou and Condi Rice and be done with it."
When informed yet again that Elaine Chou is an Asian American not African American, Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of even more anonymity said, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. The point is there's not that many people who aren't White that are gonna give George Bush the benefit of the doubt. Hell, there's not that many White people who like him these days either. We've taken to getting pictures of happy, smiling minorities and cutting and pasting George Bush's picture in them, just so we can have something for our press releases."
When asked who actually does like George Bush at this point Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of tons and tons of anonymity said, " Of course we have our core constituency, Corporate CEO's, Right Wing Neo-Cons and the NRA; actually, I asked the NRA if Bush could address them while they were wearing blackface so we could get some photo-ops but they threatened to shoot me. You know, I wish you would stop asking so many questions...this is a hard time for me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go tighten up my resume. I wonder if the Kerry White House is looking for an Unnamed Source."