Written by Bureau
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Topics: swine flu

Friday, 7 August 2009

image for Swine Flu Now Excuse #1 For Missing Work
"I Don't Feel Like Rooting!"

Companies around the United States report that "I have the Swine Flu" is now the number one excuse for employees being absent. It has replaced the time-honored, "My grandmother has passed away. I know that, but this is my other grandmother, Grandma uh...Moses!"

"You have to go with what's available", says an expert on the subject, Jonathon "Lazyass" Bunning. "A year ago this would not work. Back then it was two days Grandmother died and two days Grandfather died and that was it. But back a few years ago, those bird flu excuses were the best, especially if you learned to tweeter-cough a bit while talking."

On the other side of the coin, companies say they have no other choice than to give the worker a few days off.

"Statistics show that an average of ten million people in the U.S. now have the Swine Flu, if you go by these calls", stated Boss Man Hardy Boils of the Acme Company in Trenton, New Jersey. "That's a lot more that the health experts tell us. But unless you catch one of these guys out playing golf, and I spend three days a week out there playing 18 holes trying to catch one, you can't really say anything."

With college football, and especially the National Football League games coming up in about a month, you can expect to be reading about a Swine Flu epidemic breaking out any day now, except in Detroit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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