Written by Frankie The J
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Friday, 7 August 2009

image for Georgia preacher shoots scientist over age of socks
Former President George W. Bush points to from where came the shots that injured the scientist

HIAWASSEE,GA--A Towns County Pentecostal preacher shot and critically injured a Nobel Prize Laureate in Paleobiology early Friday morning, claiming the man was the "Biblical Antichrist."

Arrested, while holding the smoking deer rifle, was Bishop R. U. Forreal, leader of the four people strong, Truly Truly Truly Really Truly Primitive Holy Rollers United for the Lawd Gawd All Mighty Hard Shell Baptist Church on Wimp Creek Road, just east of Hiawassee. "He surrendered without incident at the Holiday Inn Express," said Towns County Deputy Dawg, who responded to Dr. O'Steen's frantic 911 call just past midnight.

Dr. Phil O'Steen, winner of the 2008 Nobel Prize for Paleobiology, remains in critical but stable condition following a gunshot wound to his left ass-cheek.

Earlier Thursday evening, deputies were forced to remove Bishop Forreal from the Towns County Library in Hiawassee. The preacher was charged with "inciting a riot," following a dispute with Dr. O'Steen over the age of the universe. Dr. O'Steen was the guest lecturer at the library's Meet the Author Night.

"You lying bastard, demon spawn of Hell," Bishop Forreal shouted at the scientist. "The King James Version of the Holy Bible says the Lord created the earth in seven days. Bible scholars have used the age of the Hebrews mentioned in Genesis to prove the earth is only a little over 6700 years, at most."

Dr. O'Steen waited until the preacher had finished his diatribe, and then calmly stated, "Pastor Forreal, you are discussing a Hebrew cultural story, a creation myth relating to their own selves. There are as many creation stories as there are cultures throughout the world, sir. I prefer to discuss scientific facts that are universally understood and, aside from inbred cretins like you, universally accepted to be fact."

Bishop Forreal began throwing books, chairs, and small children at the scientist before he was restrained and removed by deputies. According to police reports, the Bishop was released on a Peace Bond after promising to leave the scientist unmolested.

Later, Bishop Forreal entered the Holiday Inn Express carrying a long package which he told the desk clerk contained "curtain rods." The preacher knocked on Dr. O'Steen's door and when it was opened, Forreal withdrew a deer rifle and pointed it at the frightened scientist. "Insults were exchanged," according to witnesses, "and then one gun shot was heard."

Emergency Medical Technicians from the Towns County Hospital and Car Care Center responded within minutes and transported the wounded man to TCSCCC where emergency surgery was successfully performed. Deputy Dawg asked the scientist what he had said to Bishop Forreal that caused him to get shot.

"All I said was it was impossible for the world to be less than 7000-years-old because I have socks older than 7000 years."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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