Written by Frankie The J
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Friday, 7 August 2009

image for Krazy Glue Caper Causes Cock-sure Consort Consternation
This is not a photograph of the man's penis; I just like it a lot--Editor

A 36-year-old Wisconsin man had his penis glued to his stomach with Krazy Glue Tuesday after his wife and three other women discovered he was carrying on affairs with each of them. The man's name has not been released.

According to a criminal complaint filed in Calumet County, Wis., in a town some 90 miles north of Milwaukee, one of the women, Therese Ziemann, 48, told investigators, "We had a plan (to get even?)." Apparently, Ziemann contacted the man and lured him to the motel with promises of a "back rub." When he showed up for the assignation, he was blindfolded by Ziemann, and tied to the bed.

Next, Ziemann sent text messages to the man's wife, another unidentified woman, and Wendy Sewell, 44. What occurred after the three women gathered in the motel room is documented in the arrest complaint. The man was beaten, and humiliated and forced to pick his favorite of the four women.

Ms. Sewell asked the man, "Which one do you love more?"

His answer has not yet been revealed but one might guess whatever the answer was was not the correct answer. Ziemann admitted to glueing the poor man's penis to his stomach with Krazy Glue. The man started screaming and began to escape from his preDICKament, so the women ran from the room.

The four women were arrested and charged with false imprisionment. Ms. Ziemann was also charged with 4th-degree sexual assault and misdemeanor battery. The man was treated and released at a hospital, said Calumet County District Atty. Kenneth Kratz, who wisely otherwise declined comment.

A deputy sheriff from the Calumet County Sheriff's Office told TheSpoof.com's ace crime reporter, BuckWheatsButt, "I wish my peter was long enough to glue to my stomach!"

"So do I," Butt answered.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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