WASHINGTON, DC-A Wahington based nonprofit group, the Physician's Committee for Responsible Medicine has the Obama White House fuming; they have made the first daughters, Sasha and Malia Obama the subjects of a new advertising campaign. Posters appeared in Union Station bearing the photograph of 8-year old Jasmine Messiah, a young African American vegetarian girl who says, "President Obama's daughters get a healthy breakfast. Why don't I?"
"Listen up you jerks," said an obviously peeved President at a Rose Garden news conference Wednesday morning, "Just because I'm the President doesn't mean I feed my kids better food than other black people feed theirs. I give mine DOO-DOO PUFFS, smothered with chili before I send them off to that tight-assed, private school," he said.
Jasmine wrote to Sasha and Malia, asking them to help other school kids by signing the committee's petition to Congress, which urges lawmakers to increase the number of vegan, vegetarian and nondairy food options in public schools. The first daughters attend Sidwell Friends, an elite private school in Washington.
"A lot of schools, including mine, don't offer enough healthy fruits, vegetables and vegetarian meals," third-grader Jasmine writes. "I'm glad that your school, Sidwell Friends, already has lots of healthy options in the cafeteria, including vegetarian chili and roasted vegetable pizza. If we work together, we can make sure all students can eat healthy school lunches."
"Find out who that kid really is and have her butt deported to Somalia," said Vice President Joe Biden who only opens his mouth to change feet."
"You assholes got a lotta stones, fuckin with my kids. The IRS has already seized your wives, children, houses, cars, fancy boats and bank accounts," the President said. "That ought to buy a few fucking veggan pizzas, don't you agree, dickheads!"