Former President William Jefferson Clinton, AKA the Sperm Whale, tickled Kim Jong Il "in just the right places," resulting in the pardoning of two US journalists held in North Korea. "Ya know what ole Freud said, 'Sometimes a cigar is just a phallus,'" a smiling Clinton told reporters during an impromptu news conference Wednesday at Los Angeles International Airport.
The two reporters, Euna Lee and Laura Ling were granted a pardon by North Korea following intense negotiations between Clinton and the certifiably insane North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. The two had been sentenced to 12 years of hard labor for entering the country illegally.
Hilary Clinton, US Secretary of State, and the former President's "wife," was understandably upset over allegations that the two men came together, instead of inviting her. But Bill Clinton looked straight into the television cameras and said, straight-faced, "I did not have sexual relations with that man…Kimmy!"
The North Korean dictator appeared on the Today Show this morning to thank the former president for showing his meat-tell. Wearing a wrinkled, gray Zoot Suit that had a large, wet stain on one lapel, Kim Jong Il said, "That Bwill is my kind of guy!"