Written by Frankie The J
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Tuesday, 4 August 2009

image for ABSNN: All bullshit news network begins August 7th
ABSNN viewers will destroy their TV's

One radio talk show host, three of Fox News Network's most reactionary political commentators, and four of MSNBC's most liberal political commentators, have managed to put aside their political and personal differences in order to launch a new, cable news outlet, ABSNN, or All Bull Shit News Network.

Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, Andrea Mitchell and Cris Matthews will opine "From the Left." Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Ann Coullter and Newt Gingrich will spew forth wacko bull shit "From the Right." The ghost of NBC anchorman Chet Huntley has yet to confirm that he will represent a voice "From the Middle."

"The Disney Family of television is proud to add the ABSNN to its cable line up," said Minnie Mouse, matriarch of the Disney Entertainment Group.

Mark Lowton, CEO and Executive Editor of TheSpoof.com, told concerned members of his board of directors that, "So far, only Ally Chamone, Smurfette, and Fr, Francois Dubois, S.J. have indicated they might move to the new network."

Ms. Chamone was not available for comment. "She's shacked up with Duncan down in Georgia," said Skoob1999. "We'd like to retain the services of Smurfette," he said, "at least until we see her nekkid!"

BuckWheatsButt agreed, saying, "I want to see her nekkid, too. However, I have already seen enough nekkid Catholic priests, and have no desire to see Fr. Francois in that state of undress."

Lowton told his board, "We were forced to hire Dubois because he has the 'goods' on too many of our writing team. I'll offer him three times the Spoof points per story just to keep his big trap shut."

Daily broadcasts of ABSNN commence on Friday, August 7, 2009.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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