Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 31 July 2009

(Washington, D.C.) Sergeant James Crowley and Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. sat around a patio table with President Obama and Vice President Biden Thursday in the so called "beer summit". Its purpose, better understanding the issues of race profiling and police procedures. While no apologies were offered or accepted, Crowley and Gates "agreed to disagree". The meeting was not without a hitch. After his third Pabst, Vice President Biden suggested that the "comfort level" at the meeting might have been higher if the snacks included "watermelon and potatoes."

(Atlanta-GA) According to a 2001 National Transportation Safety Board study, 69 percent of passengers surveyed admitted to not watching the entire pre-flight safety briefing because they had seen it before. Delta AirLines attempted to change that by introducing a seductive flight attendant, bearing a resemblance to actress Angelina Jolie, for its preflight safety video. Since its debut in May, the video has been viewed over 1.3 million times on YouTube. But are passengers paying more attention? "Yes", says Delta spokesperson Susan Elliott. "We know they are paying attention because they are talking about it." Elliot went on to stress the fact that 99.9% of the talk has come from men is in no way to be interpreted as Delta being sexist and guilty of gender stereotyping in any way.

(Sacramento-CA) Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently posted on Twitter vlog where he is first shown admiring a two foot long knife and then lapsing into nonsensical suggestions on solving the state's budget problems sent in from his constituency. Commenting on the bizarre behavior, fellow action actor Mel "Adultery, is that really one of the ten?" Gibson said, "If he can do that and get elected governor, I'll run against him and win. With my unfair divorce settlement, I'll get the female vote. And because I know a lot of Jews, I can get that out in the media." Gibson would neither confirm nor deny if Michael Richards would be his Lieutenant Governor running mate.

(Rockwood-PA) Shawn Saylor is a dairy farmer who doesn't mind putting up with a lot of crap. For the last three years, he's used it to produce energy. The source? Manure from his 600 dairy cows. The aforementioned "bwano" ferments in a "digestor", a 16 feet deep and 70 feet in diameter pool. There, it's converted to methane gas and then to electricity used to power his farm and a dozen neighboring homes Saylor sells the left over energy back to the local power grid. The dairy farmer dynamo also plans to make his farm entirely self-sufficient by turning waste vegetable oil to biodiesel fuel. In a related note, President Obama has denied rumors that the gas produced by Congress over the public health care debate is being researched as an alternative energy source to fossil fuels.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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