Washington, DC - The Obama Administration has just announced yet another way to spend millions of our tax dollars on bailouts that will surely invite the most corrupt to take advantage.
One such bailout program, "Cash for Concubines" is aimed at aiding lying, cheating husbands, especially those in Washington's own back yard, to get rid of their old mistresses and trade them in for new models.
"Some of these guys have, uh, well, they've really, uh, got it hard," Obama said. "Here they are, wanting to keep the stability of a home life, uh, but also, wanting a little on the side. But it gets harder for them as their mistresses begin to approach the age of their wives. I felt like I had to help a brother out, so to speak," he added.
Men can now apply for a voucher in the amount of $100,000 to offer to their old mistresses to go away and keep quiet, as well as a free coupon for hair plugs, if needed, to improve the man's appearance, making it a little easier to court the young women waiting in line for their 15 minutes. The voucher and coupon program helps everyone through a very difficult transition period.
Although the program has already caught heat from a few wives, the general consensus in the male community is "we're going to do it whether there's a voucher program or not. This just makes it easier on everyone, so quit your bitchin' and get back in the kitchen."