HOUSTON, TX - Michael Jackson's personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, self-administered the powerful anesthetic propofol in an amount that nearly killed him today, said a source close to the investigation of the singer's death.
The Texas-based cardiologist reportedly had complained of severe headaches and extreme anxiety in the days before the self-medication, having been hounded relentlessly by droves of photographers and the press since it came to light he was with Michael Jackson on the day the King of Pop suffered a fatal heart attack.
He was also subjected to Texas authorities when they ransacked Murray's office last week, kicking in the door and firing their shotguns at the ceiling with a hearty "Yeee-haaw!!" before they removed several prescription-strength medications "for evidence," then mashed his face into the floor with the heels of their boots, tasing him for protesting.
"He's a bit frazzled," said one doctor as Murray tried to swallow his tongue, writhing uncontrollably in his bed. His eyes rolled back in his head as one of his eyelids quivered furiously. "Unlike Michael, he hasn't quite built up a tolerance for all this craziness and attention just yet."
Murray is convalescing and will be under a close watch until God only knows when, as the media frenzy that surrounded Jackson in his life refuses to subside in his passing.