Washington, D.C. - Having little choice but to turn to domestic bottled beer to help resolve the domestic issues of the racial divide, the White House announced today that is converting the Rose Garden into a Beer Garden.
"The conversion of the Rose Garden into a Beer Garden goes far beyond the white canopies, silver kegs and beer banners touting every type of domestic beer still produced in America," said a White House spokesman. "Each beer banner you see waving in the wind out there the Rose Garden used to be is a symbol announcing the victory of the beer brotherhood of man."
Critics say that Obama has merely turned to his old college fraternity days of inviting a rival over for a few beers with the boys and getting them drunk while he sets back sober as the day he was born and analyses them for weaknesses.
"He did it to me," said Roger Cummings, leading candidate for editor of the Harvard Law Review until he ran against Obama for the position. "I never even drank alcohol before I met Obama. Not until he found out we were the two leading contenders for the editor's desk at the Harvard Law Review."
Cummings says that, that is when Obama began to pal up to him, inviting him over to his fraternity house.
"Frat house? I never even made it to the steps of the front porch," said Cummings. "There where white tents on the front and back lawns. And Beer banners from all over the world. The whole night was a drunken haze. I lost my virginity that night and I don't know with who or what. Obama hasn't told me to this day, thank God."
According to Cunnings, Obama only calls him up to ask him for a little favor.
"And if I refuse, he threatens to tell me who or what I slept with that night," said a terrified Cummings. As his office phone rang, he jumped out of his seat and slowly moved toward the phone to check the caller id, stopping himself from lifting up the receiver. "My God! It's him. He must have got wind that we were coming here. If you print any of this, I'll deny it! I'll deny it!"
"With the installation of the new Beer Garden, the president expects that he will be able to bridge the racial divide, overcome partisan politics and reach historical international agreements," said the White House spokesman.