Nancy Pelosi, US Speaker of the House, was killed Wednesday evening during a debate on National Health Care. Her head exploded. C-Span televised the Speaker's final moments as she shouted to House Republicans, "Fuck off, you pricks; we got the votes!"
The House Chambers were severely damaged in the explosion. "There's brains and shit everywhere," said Ron Paul. The Capital Police believe it may take weeks to repair the damage.
"We all knew this might happen," stated an unnamed legislative assistant. House sources told TheSpoof.com, "It has been known for some time now that Pelosi was wrapped a little too tightly as a result of her 4000th face lift this past August. Last week, her right knee cap ripped through her pantyhose, but doctors claimed that was caused by excessive internal body pressure due to Anal Retentive Disorder."
Five minority members of congress and three Congrssional Pages were injured in the explosion. One page is said to remain on life support after one of Pelosi's eyeballs became lodged in his throat.
Plans for a State funeral are being debated in the temporary House Chambers located in the banquet room of a local DC strip club. The House Chaplain told reporters, "Due to the fact that Ms. Pelosi's body remains an Improvised Explosive Device, we may have to move her funeral to the mountains of West Virginia. After all," he continued, "Nobody gives a shit if West Virginia explodes."