DETROIT - The United States Commission on Auto Sales has just reported that General Motors posted a 22 percent world wide drop in sales from last year.
The director of the USCAS, Logwood Vonnegut, stated that he informed President Obama that he needs to seriously consider selling the American ownership in General Motors, aka Government Motors, aka Gonewiththewind Motors.
The president reportedly called an emergency meeting of his 'special committee' which he refers to as 'Brobama's Big Beautiful Four.' The four include Vice-President Joe Biden, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and the nation's 'First Mama' Michelle Obama.
He apprised them of the serious situation regarding GM. Biden quickly raised his hand and suggested that we should put GM on eBay as soon as possible.
"What?" The president asked.
Biden informed him that one of his nieces, Breena Bobbi Beanblossom put an old cell phone, an old iPod, and an old Backstreet Boys T-Shirt on the site and within 40 minutes she had sold all three.
Biden remarked that he's not sure but he thinks that every day eBay must get at least 800 or so hits.
Hillary Clinton suggested that we should sell GM to Cuba. She said that the island of Cuba has not seen a new automobile since the late 50s.
She stated that she knows that Cuba would jump at the chance to purchase GM and sell the cars at three times the U.S. asking price.
She added that since Cuba is only 90 miles from Florida, the shipping charges would be very reasonable.
Biden then stated that we could sell GM to North Korea.
"What!" The president asked.
"Yes, Mr. President that way it would give Kim Jong Il something to do instead of just constantly fooling with his damn missiles and shooting the mofos all over the place."
"Hey watch your language sucka" Michelle hollered out.
"Yeah," Hillary injected, "Don't you be using that gutter talk in front of us ladies."
Biden smiled and said that he apologized on behalf of the president and himself.
"Hey white boy, doncha be draggin' me into that BS mess."
"Just kiddin' folks. My goodness, you'd think that this was Bucking F'in ham Palace or something."
The First Mama's nostrils flared up, "Okay, blue eyes, now I've already done warned you tweist. The next time. I be comin' at cha with my official White House issued pepper spray and my official White House issued Taser."
The president interrupted, "Ah...hon, there's no need to be talkin' like that, remember he's Joe Biden, my vice president.
I mean it's not like he's Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck, so please sit your pretty little buns down and put the pepper spray and taser gun back in your purse...thank you sweety."
"No Barry. Taint right." Michelle remarked as she took a sip from her bottle of Sprite Zero. "You don't talks like that in front of his wife, why should the Delaware dude talks that way in front on your wife...and hello Barry, that be me."
"Dammit woman, you do have a point. You have an absolutely damn, friggin' excellent point.
So, Joey let me say this and I'm only gonna say it uno (one) time. I am the president. You are the vice-president. You cannot cuss in the presence of the first mama, or in the presence of my secretary of state and my main white woman, Hilly.
And I hope that you do understand exactly where the frickin' frackin' hell I be comin' from, cause frankly Joe I am gettin' fundamentally tired of you embarrassin' the everlivin' you-know-what out of me."
"Man Joe, it gets old bro." The president went on, "Just like last week, when you and I were in San Antonio and we stopped off to get us some hamburgers at My Baby Barbara's Burgers-On-A-Bun and you told the counter girl that you wanted a cheeseburger and then you told her to cut the cheese. Joe that was not funny"
"Well with all due respect, Mr. President that fella in the corner with the 'Will Work For Food' sign thought it was hilarious cause he was laughing uncontrollably."
"Joe...listen to me Joe. That fella was a homeless man. And a homeless man, or woman will laugh at anything. Joey, that's how they get people to buy them burgers, and pizzas, and friggin fish sticks."
The president said that Joe had gotten him off on a tangent.
He grinned and said that getting back to the subject, he felt that both ideas regarding Cuba and North Korea were doable.
Biden then interrupted him and said that really North Korea is not that much farther than Cuba.
Obama looked at him with a tremendous look of surprise and said, "Excuse me! Joe what the hell do you mean that North Korea isn't that much farther than Cuba?"
Joe replied "It ain't."
"Now look here Joe. I don't know where the hell you learned your geography, but where I went to school, I learned that Cuba is 90 miles from America whereas North Korea is 6,790 miles from America."
"Mr. President are you sure?"
"Joey, Joey, my main man. Trust me. I am damn sure dude. Now please try and get with the program here. Because fundamentally, we are in a world of shit here and we need to pay attention and not show our uninformed side.
Hell it reminds me of the time during the presidential campaign when Saracuda (Palin) made that remark about Africa being a country."
Michelle chimed in "Yeah Joe, cut in fella! We certainly do not need Sean Hannity, or Bill O'Reilly, or that horse faced Ann Coulter finding out that your knowledge of geography is right at the second grade level."
The president and Michelle started laughing.
"Hey what's so funny?" Biden asked.
And the president and his wife remarked in perfect unison, "You is Joe." And then the president gave Joe a fist-bump and remarked, "You know Joey, for a white boy from Delaware you is one damn funny dude."
In other news. The Florida city of Jacksonville has voted to honor Michael Jackson by changing its name to Michaelsville.