Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 23 July 2009

image for Shaquille O'Neal To Star In His Own Reality Show
A photo of the first basketball that Shaquille ever owned. It was purchased with food stamps.

CLEVELAND - The most recent addition to the Cleveland Cavaliers, Shaquille O'Neal, will soon be starring in his own reality series.

The 7 foot 1 inch, 325 pound NBA center will soon star in the ABC reality series Hip-Hoppin' With The Shaqster.

The show's Executive Producer Kurtland Aloofman said that the show will revolve around O'Neal and his family, including his wife Shallandrina and his four kids, boys Shaquille Jr., and LeShaq and girls Shaqisha and Shaqella.

In the first episode the O'Neal's Panamanian maid Arrozita Plato, 15, tries to teach Shaq to speak up and to pronounce his words clearly and articulately.

O'Neal is notorious for speaking in an irritatingly low monotone voice. If one did not know any better one would swear that the voice is coming from someone who is tremendously meek, totally insecure, and astoundingly lacking in basic self-esteem 101. Joaquin (Phoenix) is that you?"

Shaq's wife Shallandrina confessed that she can only understand her husband about 30 percent of the time. The other 70 percent of the time when he talks she just politely nods and says okay 'Shackie,' her pet name for her gigantic pet husband.

When Shaq was asked how he felt about being on the same team as superstar LeBron James, Shag smiled, thought for a minute and 10 seconds, and replied, "I think dat I will probably like it...or maybe I might not...unless I do...but if I don't...then I don't...but I hope to try and make at least 10 percent of my free throws...or maybe just 8 percent."

SIDENOTE: Contrary to what has been reported on ESPN, Flagrant Foul Illustrated Magazine, and The Cheyenne Chronicle Clarion Shaquille O'Neal does not now, nor has he ever been prescribed 'stupid pills.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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