Former Vice President Dick Cheney remains in guarded condition today at the University of Wyoming Proctologic Hospital in Pettifogger, Wyoming. Cheney was admitted Sunday evening following a self inflicted waterboarding incident. "The bastard had it coming," a weakened Cheney told me.
Cheney told the Wyoming State Patrol that he caught himself wearing J. Edgar Hoover's Wonder Bra and took drastic steps to prevent further embarrassing behaviors. According to authorities, "Cheney went just a little bit overboard with his waterboard. Were it not for quick thinking on the part of Cheney's wife (a contradiction in terms), Cheney would surely have drowned."
Former President George W. Bush spoke by telephone with his former VP on Sunday evening. "How ya doin pardner?" Bush asked. "I think I screwed the pooch, Dubya," Cheney answered. "I've screwed a few dogs in my time, myself," said Bush. "Don't beat yourself off about it."
Cheney is expected to make a full recovery.