Written by Wire Piddle
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Sunday, 19 July 2009

image for Al Qaeda Nutritionist Says America Is Killing Itself

Des Moines, IA - A nutritionist for Al Qaeda - those nasty muslim men, has stated that it is his firm belief that Americans are killing themselves with their diet and don't need any help from terrorists.

Salaam Bal Aquami, former chef to the President of France and current Al Qaeda nutritionist, described how, on a recent trip to America, he had noticed that RPG's or 'Really Gooey Delights', would end up killing the vast majority of Americans and lead them to sire deformed children if the proliferation of these products continued unabated.

Said Mr. Aquami, "...we intend to launch another fact-finding mission at the Iowa State Fair this August. We have noted that the specialty food items to be served include deep-fried Twinkies, Oreos, and Snickers bars. We expect that approximately nine months after the fair, you will find a spike in the number of children born with intellectual and physical disabilities to occur. Shoould this hypothesis be proven out, we can only conclude that America is on the brink of extinction."

"Therefore, he has recommended to Al Qaeda leadership that the best way to expedite the downfall of America would be to start marketing 'Really Gooey Delights' as a brand and set up markets state by state. This will almost certainly lead to these treats being consumed on a daily basis rather than just as an annual novelty item."

Said Dr. Aquami, '...look for our brand at a 7-Eleven near you. Hey, 7-Eleven. Isn't that ironic. Ha..ha..ha..ha..ha.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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