Written by Wire Piddle
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Sunday, 19 July 2009

image for Tennessee Man Murders 6 After Losing His Entry Form In 'Redneck Games'
Unsuccessful Belly Flop At Redneck Games

Nashville, TN - A 30 year-old Tennessee man has been arrested after going on a killing spree. The man, Jacob Shaffer, has confessed to killing 6 people who were, according to him, '...instrumental in a conspiracy of obstructing,' his entry into the 'Summer Redneck Games' which took place on the weekend of July 11th, 2009 in East Dublin, Georgia.

His neighbor stated that Mr. Shaffer, "...had been training for the Summer Redneck Games and was confident of a win in several categories, notably the Bobbin' for Pigs Feet, the Watermelon Seed Spitting Contest, and the Armpit Serenade."

"However, Jacob believed that several people related to another competitor may have conspired to lose his release form and he was subsequently disqualified from the events due to the incomplete application." One of the deceased worked in a postal station that would have handled the application.

This is not the first time that competition between contestants has taken a bad turn. In 2005, a competitor received serious life-threatening injuries as a result of being 'squashed flat by a Dodge Ram' after leaving the fried twinkie concession stand on the way to a porta potty. Although he survived the ordeal, the resulting alteration in his body form forced him to change his specialty from the Mudpit Belly Flop to the Redneck Horseshoes thus eliminating his chances for winning the 'Best Redneck Biathalete In America'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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