Jorge Rafiella, 24, of Las Cruces, New Mexico, was arrested early today for the theft of Senator Robert C. Byrd's ass. New Mexico State Police, acting upon an annonymous tip, arrested Rafiella at the home of Isabella Spandau, Rafiella's maternal grandmother. Authorities recovered Byrd's ass from beneath a living room Lazy Boy recliner.
"We were happy to learn that Senator Byrd's ass was recovered," said Ron Paul. "Maybe we ought to screw it on the old prick so he won't lose it so often," he opined.
Byrd was unable to comment due to the fact that he had lost his mouth somewhere in Clarksburg, West Virginia, on Saturday night.
Attorneys for Rafiella claim the man is emotionally disturbed and should not be held accountable for the theft. "Jorge has a real thing for old men's asses. He didn't actually take Byrd's ass from his body. It's more like he found it on the floor in a corridor (while on a tour of the Senate Office Building) and hid it under his hat and just took it home with him," said an unidentified attorney.
Federal charges of ass banditry are pending.