Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 19 July 2009

image for Hot Dog Wienermobile Involved In Hit and Run
A photo of Police Officer K.J. Grunfeld who arrested wiernermobile driver Renwick Guggenheim after a hit and run.

MOUNT PLEASANT, Wisconsin - The Mount Pleasant Police Department reported that the world-famous Oscar Meyer Wienermobile was involved in a hit and run accident.

It seems that wienermobile driver Renwick Guggenheim of Muncie, Indiana was leaving The Chirping Cricket Lounge at about 2 a.m. when he ran a red light and hit a U-Haul truck.

The driver of the U-Haul truck was slightly hurt, but he managed to take down the license plate number (or actually words) of the wiernermobile, BITE ME.

MPPD officer K.J. Grunfeld said that he was parked at a Dunkin' Donut Shop when he saw the wiernermobile drive by at a high rate of speed. He noticed the license plate with the name BITE ME and he proceeded to give chase.

Luckily at 2 a.m. in the morning there was not very much traffic and officer Grunfeld was able to catch up with the 'hotdoggin'' vehicle after about a nine block chase.

Guggenheim was asked to 'step out of the bun' and he was given a sobriety test which he promptly failed. Officer Grunfeld wrote in his report that Mr. Guggenheim reeked highly of alcohol and he could also detect a strong smell of mustard and relish on his breath.

He was asked to spell the word wiener and he spelled it w-e-e-e-n-k-z-f-r-k-7-7-p. The officer then held up three fingers and asked Guggenheim how many fingers he was holding up.

Guggenheim answered that he did not see any fingers, but that he did notice that for some reason the officer was holding up six wieners.

The wienermobile driver then told the officer that he did not appreciate him taking those wieners out of his wienermobile without his permission and that he wanted to borrow his cell phone to call the police.

The officer told him that he did not want him using up his minutes. He then asked him to touch the tip of his nose with his finger, Guggenheim lost his balance and ended up smearing mustard all over the crotch area of officer Grunfeld's uniform pants.

All of a sudden Guggenheim became argumentative and said that he needed to get himself and his wienermobile back home because he had to get to bed because he had a retired Wal-Mart employees picnic to attend at 8 a.m.

He proceeded to open the door to the wienermobile and the the officer immediately shoved him against the wienermobile's buns. He snapped the handcuffs on him and placed him in the back seat of the police car.

The wiernermobile was impounded and it was towed to the police department's 'vehicle food lot' where it sits among a 'Hostess Twinkie Truck,' a 'Minute Rice Rickshaw,' a 'Taco Bell Taxi,' and a 'Kibbles 'n Bits Kia Spectra.'

A representative for The Oscar Meyer Hot Dog Company was asked for a comment and he replied, "No condiments."

SIDENOTE: A reporter for The Mount Pleasant Pleasant Gazette stated that this is not the first time that Renwick Guggenheim has been involved in an accident while driving the wienermobile.

Two years ago while attending an Exxon-Mobil Board of Directors meeting in Santa Fe, New Mexico, he was cited for hitting a fire truck while drag racing his wienermobile at speeds of up to 95 mph down Santa Fe's Gildersleeve Street.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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