Written by Ilona Ronay
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Topics: Washington, Building

Monday, 12 July 2004

image for George Bush Presents Vision of "Untied States" To Voters
New Campaign Slogan Incorporates Core Beliefs

Washington, DC--Building upon his earlier phrase "upcoming erection" instead of "upcoming election" (see related Spoof story), George Bush has decided to speak of the "Untied"--rather than the "United"-- States.

"The phrase 'untied' incorporates so many of my core beliefs," enthused Bush. "First of all, I am interested in untying the entire safety net of social services. Laura tells me that dismantle, take apart, break, and untie are all words that mean pretty much the same thing. I'm good at those kinds of things. Consensus, cooperation, empathy, unemplyment benefits, health insurance, OSHA regulations--who needs them?"

"Second, I like cowboy boots, and they don't have laces. I didn't ever really learn how to tie shoelaces anyway, and when I'm wearing cowboy boots I'm in the original untied state. You should try it. It's liberating to give up shoelaces forever."

"Fourth--I mean third--and most important, I want to untie the United States because I want each state to be a separate country. I don't believe in national anything."

"I want people who commit criminal acts in one state to be able to start fresh in another state. I don't want a marriage license from one state to mean anything in another state. I want the tagline for Las Vegas to apply to each state--What Happens Here, Stays Here. It worked for William Bennett, and it can work for each and every American."

"Yes, I believe in states' rights. Each state should be its own kindom, its own fiefdom, its own country. The Untied States of America! How grand is that?"

"If all the states agree to be exactly like Wyoming, maybe we'd reconsider being united again," Cheney commented. "But until the states on both coasts realize the error of their ways and the fact that George and I are right about everything, we're pushing for an untied country, not a united one."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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