Written by Frankie The J
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Topics: Glenn Beck

Saturday, 18 July 2009

image for Miracle at Republican Prayer Breakfast: Glenn Beck Speaks in Unknown Tongues
Glenn Beck Possessed by The Holy Spirit

Right wing, radio talk show host, Glenn Beck, became possessed by the Holy Spirit, at the Republican's National Prayer Breakfast, Friday. He levitated and spoke in tongues for nearly twenty minutes. Glossolalia, or speaking in unknown tongues, has become a well known trademark of Glenn Beck's daily radio and television programs.

"I don't know why the Holy Spirit has chosen me to speak through; but I am certainly glad He has. Every word He speaks through me is the Gospel truth; therefore every word out of my mouth is the absolute truth," Beck told TheSpoof.com. "Just after we finished our cheese grits, the Holy Spirit took over my body. From that point on I knew nothing at all."

Beck also laid on healing hands upon the attendees at the Republican gathering. He apparently healed two "Liberal Republicans" who were leaning towards voting for National Health Care. Additionally, Beck cured four homosexuals of their blasphemy.

His greatest miracle came at the close of the breakfast when the lights in the hall were extinguished and a bon-fire was ignited. Beck danced around the blaze clad only in knee socks. He shrieked again and again and ectoplasm issued from all his bodily orifices. The ectoplasm began to take human form. Minutes later, the shade of Ronald Reagan held forth the wisdom of the ages.

"Glenn Beck is the latter-day prophet of the airwaves," Reagan's ghost claimed. "Those with ears should hear him and heed him," the dead president said as he faded from view.

Beck made himself available to reporters after the breakfast. He spoke for twenty-five minutes but nobody understood a word he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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