Washington, DC - President Obama resigned today, responding to allegations that he is not actually a United States Citizen. He gave his resignation speech in front of thousands at The Mall.
"You figured me out. You know, what amazed me was that I was able to make it all the way through this process without anyone asking to see my birth certificate. I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids..er..Republicans."
Equally surprising was the newly-discovered fine print in the Constitution detailing that 'in the event an eleckted prezident is determined not to be a US citizen, the prezidency will then default to the prior prezident for the rest of the turm.'
While this section of the Constitution was written on the back of the document in crayon, and contained numerous misspellings, Republican legal scholars have advised that 'because it's written on the Constitution, it's legal.'