Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 15 July 2009

image for Jon of Jon and Kate Plus 8 Turning Into A Playboy
Jon Gosselin's parents Chow Fi and Tang Yum Gosselin going over his bank statement.

PITTSBURGH - Jon Gosselin of the reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8 has really turned into a first-class playboy since he filed for divorce from his wife Kate two weeks ago.

The Korean father of sextuplets and two older children was first linked to Diane Hummer, a 23-year-old driving school teacher and part-time pole dancer.

Recently Jon has been photographed with 22-year-old Hillary Glockenfield who many say resembles a young Julia Roberts or a very young Sean Young.

A close friend of Jon's, Bibby Bidadecki, said that his little Korean buddy has been going crazy with the fact that a lot of girls are literally throwing themselves at him because they kind of see him as one hell of a meal ticket.

It is a well-known fact in the reality show industry that Jon and soon-to-be ex-wife Kate were making $75,000 per show. Sadly, Jon just did not realize that he was sitting on a gold mine.

Like his ex-attorney, ex-adviser, and ex-friend Mel Outrigger said, "Jon and Kate blew it. In a few more years the interracial couple could have had a ton of money, instead they merely have several hundred pounds of it."

Jon's new attorney Matthew B. Taliaferro said that Jon has had all kinds of offers coming his way. He said that Donald Trump has offered him a partnership in a new shipbuilding company.

Trump wants to call it Seafaring Sextuplets, Inc. And the Fox Network has offered Jon his own reality show to be called, Jon Plus His Oodles and Oodles of Gal Pals.

Jon's present girlfriend Hillary Glockenfield is the daughter of Dr. Ambrose Glockenfield, who oddly enough is the doctor who performed a dual tonsillectomy-ovariectomy on Jon's soon-to-be ex-wife Kate.

Kate had several other procedures done, including a tummy tuck, a thigh tuck, and a friar tuck, which is a tucking of the upper bikini line in order to provide (the guy) a much better view of the mons pubis which is Latin for the 'hubba hubba place.'

Other females who Jon has dated, their ages, professions, and Jon's outcome include: Shiloh Zwicky, 25, a Hooter's Girl, (third base); Amber Misty Montgomery, 24, a CPA, (homerun); Belle Tangentapoli, 28, a masseuse, (homerun); and Brandi Gibraltar, 19, a high school cheerleader, (first base, but thrown out trying to steal second).

SIDENOTE: Jon has been approached by The Wooden Trojan Horse Condom Company about making a commercial for their brand new line of reusable condoms called Washalactics.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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