As the countdown for Election 2004 gathers pace, Saddam Hussein has upped his game and launched a musical on broadway.
Ignoring critics who condemn the work as a crib on "Les Miserable", Saddam's opus, "Miserable? I'm fucking suicidal", will open next week.
It starts out with the story of a young boy, Soddem, growing up in rural Iraq. He is at once gay (but not homosexual) and bright, yearning to one day be a great conductor. His father gay, but not so bright, straps him to their chimney, during lightening storms.
This bit is played out against "La don't have a mobile-a, please shout the doc okay?" sung by British Soprano Vinnie Jones.
Certain critics felt that while it would be wrong to style Jones as a Soprano ; 'he's more a spanner falling on the workshop floor' according to the New York Times critic, they felt it best to leave it unsaid.
Conducting not being all it's made out to be Soddem makes a bolt for Baghdad. Jeff Archer is staying at the Baghdad Hilton and the bolt, which fits his neck perfectly, fetches enough to fund Soddem's trip to Falluja.
It is here in Falluja that Soddem finds himself at last. He is at once at peace with the simple religous folk and simultaneously inspired to read for a BA. Genocide at Falluja University and Hallal Emporium.
('My Milkshakes bring the boys to the yard' sung by Sir Cliff Richard was roundly condemned by critics as being 'wholly inapropriate'.)
Completely absorbed by his surroundings and devoid of outside interference Soddem graduates Cum Laude. (Cum is the brother of world Formula 1 racing champion Nicki, who converted to Islam)
Armed with his degree and weapons assorted Soddem leads an army on Baghdad. A huge battle ensues and many are slaughtered.
The music is Maria Carey whining on and on Or if her throats not up to it, they take a tomcat and grip it's balls in a vice.....
Soddem is victorious - ruler of all Iraq : About to embark on a voyage of discovery including, but not limited to, no little gassing, torture and death but ending before anyone invades and spoils everything.
That great Baritone Koffie AndNaan sings them off stage with the "Ketchup song" originally made famous in Spain.
To me this musical is a blend of youth, experience and genocidal playfulness. If it doesn't do well in New York, it could always play at theatres nearby England's away games.