EPHRAIM, UTAH (AP) A terrible accident probably took the life of a yet unidentified motorcyclist. Due to the grim nature of the accident the Coroner has yet to identify the driver even as male or female. "At this point the boots would seem to indicate that the driver was a male, but we cannot be sure until we dig in and get more information."
The scene of the accident up a few miles on Route 89 was chaotic as nearby neighbors and townsfolk came to observe the gruesome aftermath of the tragedy. Mayor Morris Casperson was one of the first people to get a look and gave this description: "All I can say for sure is that someone with boots was riding a motorcycle much too fast and failed to negotiate that turn. I'd say he/she must have been going at least 125 miles an hour when the bike plowed into the hill. This is just awful!"
A local search and rescue team had been called to the scene of the accident but so far has not had any luck digging with picks and shovels. "We called the Highway Department and they're on their way over now with a backhoe. That backhoe ought to be able to dig through some of that rocky soil. Who knows? We might have to use dynamite! The last time we had something like this, it turned out to be old man Parker who ran his pickup into that freshly poured concrete for the new bridge abutment. We never did get him out, you know. The town council put a plaque up on the bridge though. There's been talk about naming the bridge after old man Parker."
By nightfall, the backhoe had pulled out what was left of the motorcycle driver and sent the remains to the morgue for proper identification. A Spoof reporter and photographer were able to obtain a picture of the body just after it was pulled from the mountain.
WARNING: Graphic image follows:
(Edited by the Spoof Editorial Department due to the violent nature of death. Trust me folks; it was really bad!)