MADRID, Spain - The president of Spain, Johnny Gomez has signed a proclamation that will outlaw the yearly running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain beginning next year.
President Gomez said that he has received hundreds of emails from Spanish citizens saying that the bulls are being mistreated because they have to run on asphalt and it makes their hooves hurt like hell.
Others say that the guys that run with the bulls scare them so much that they shit all over the street. And then cars, trucks, buses, and skateboards run over the bullshit and track that BS all over the city.
Alejandro San Labias owner of the popular Restaurante San Labias said that he is sick and tired of losing customers because of the bullshit smell which permeates his entire establishment.
San Labias said that the smell has gotten so bad that even the homeless guy who usually hangs around outside of his restaurant has moved clear across town.
Gomez was told that several PETA representatives had traveled to Pamplona to demand that the mayor put an end to this barbarous ritual.
The Spanish president was informed that Pamplona Mayor Gustavo Pata De Vaca told the PETA people that they were not welcome in his city and that they better take the next bus out of the city or he would have them arrested and charged with trespassing.
The Pamplona Daily Announcer reported that one of the PETA representatives Organza Crixton, an 88-year-old retired seamstress from Paducah, Kentucky, laid down in front of the entrance to Mayor Pata De Vaca's office.
Crixton said that she would not move until the mayor promised to cancel next year's running of the bulls.
The mayor personally asked Mrs. Crixton to pick herself up and move out of the way.
Crixton refused. The mayor asked again and again Crixton adamantly refused.
Pata De Vaca then bent down next to Crixton's left ear and he reportedly whispered for her to move her 88-year-old wrinkly-ass or he would move it for her.
She said that he did not scare her one darn bit. Pata De Vaca went over to his 2002 Ford Focus and returned with a taser gun.
He hit Crixton one time on her nose and she jumped up like a kangaroo on speed. She was screaming, and hollering, and yelling words in English that no one could understand.
A Barcelona truck driver reported seeing Mrs. Crixton in a rented Kia Spectra driving at a tremendously high rate of speed towards Portugal.
In a related story. President Gomez of Spain has said that although he has banned the running of the bulls on Spanish soil he has worked out a deal with President Joey Maracas, III, of Portugal to move the Pamplona Running of The Bulls to Pombal, Portugal.