Cape Cod, Mass. -- Pumped from a recent rash of high profile deaths, reporters the world over eagerly anticipate the next high profile casualty, the almost dead, but not quite yet, Senator Ted Kennedy.
Even so, the recent deaths of Farah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, including even the widely recognizable TV pitchman, Billy Mays, have left most of the Country's reporters on the brink of exhaustion.
"The last couple of weeks have been pretty hectic," one greasy crew member from MSNBC explained as he busily prepared equipment for an expected imminent live broadcast just outside the Kennedy compound. "I've not had a bath since sometime in June, but hey, it's what I get paid to do!"
In fact, many of the reporters and crews amassed outside the Kennedy compound have come straight to Massachusetts from the Neverland Ranch in California.
"We'd probably still be at camp Neverland even today," one breathless crew member from CNN explained, "but we couldn't risk missing out on a front row seat to this one," he exclaimed as he situated the van's satellite dish with one hand whilst grasping a can of Red Bull in the other. "Jackson caught everybody by surprise, but this -- this one's just around the corner. Word is he's going down soon -- any day now is the word."
Many in the reeking throng of humanity lamented the fact that they hadn't had any sleep in days. Yet, this was clearly not an issue for the FOX News team, who being the first one's on scene a few months ago, had erected a massive revival-style tent right in the middle of the street complete with showers, catering, and bussed-in musical entertainment. Someone claimed they had witnessed Glenn Beck wandering around apparently drunk, but that was impossible to confirm during our brief visit.
Suddenly, much of the crowd becomes restless. Has a messenger of the Reaper's anticipated visit finally manifested him or herself to the sea of eagerly awaiting news crews? Negative. Not on this occasion. As the joyous chiming of music any school kid would recognize draws nearer, and louder still, it becomes abundantly clear that the approaching ice cream guy is the only one who stands to make a killing on this particular day.