(Washington, Riters) The UN Security Council Secretariat has issued a damning denial of an Associated Press story in the international media this week concerning the "missing, presumed destroyed" military records of President George Bush Junior.
A statement issued this morning by the UN said the whole idea was risible and had given officials something to chuckle about at the end of a bad week for the world's foremost intelligence gathering agencies - the CIA, MI6 and Mossad.
The AP news story alleged that microfiche records of the President's illustrious - albeit fledgeling - military career had been wiped out by accident, thereby depriving millions of patriotic American voters of the chance to see for themselves the calibre of warfare commander currently running their country.
Not so, says the UN.
A spokesman from their Classified Archives Department (Politicians and Wannabees) stated that all the original documents including blood/tissue/DNA samples, police arrest log books, detox and rehabilitation records, offshore bank account numbers, Internal Revenue Court Summonses, Court Martial records, CIA intelligence reports, Defense Department classified papers relating to Taliban investment portfolios AND his Armand Hammer fraternity affiliation to the Hellfire Club - all were readily available for inspection in the UN's maximum security storage vaults.
The statement issued by the UN further clarified the position that such categories of information, all held in original format in original documents, were stored by them on all high public office appointments in the US up to and including the inauguration of JFK in January 1961.
"We don't mess about with microfiche," said the spokesman. "Every politician has a file. Every file has the original papers. But we ain't telling.....yet!"
The news may come as a shock to previous incumbents of the White House, particularly if the UN goes ahead with its last resolution to publish findings which compare DNA samples of top US politicians for the last 40 years, cross-referenced to leading colorful figures in the Mafia, Al-Qaeda, IRA, Bader-Meinhof, Eta, FARC, Hamas, PLFP, Falung Gong, the Church of Scientology and Branch Davidians.