Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 10 July 2009

image for Crystal Defanti Loses Sex Toys on School Bus
Miss Defanti Miss Defanti we love you!! Miss Defanti Miss Defanti we love you!! Miss Defanti Miss Defanti...

SACRAMENTO, CA - Parents of Isabelle Jackson Elementary school students were shocked today to find "an assortment of sexual enhancement devices" had been distributed to their children, according to the school's superintendent, Ima Soughtie.

"I can't believe this has happened again," she said, referring to an earlier incident when Defanti premiered her latest sex video to a class of elementary school students, then took them on a field trip to an area farm to teach them sex education.

This time, according to Soughtie, Defanti was walking home from some errands when a bus driver on his way to drop off his empty bus recognized her and, "He noticed she looked like she had been shopping. She was carrying quite a bit of stuff."

One bag containing several purchases and a receipt from a store called Good Vibes was apparently overlooked when Defanti exited the vehicle.

Defanti told reporters she is embarrassed to admit her boyfriend was waiting for her when she got home. "Things got hot and heavy so fast, the next thing you knew, we were naked and making films. When we finally stopped, it was almost time for breakfast."

"I just forgot all about it," she added, sobbing. "I am sooo sorry! I never meant for any of this to happen."

The children very thoughtfully shared, distributing the devices carefully the next morning.

One little girl later asked her horrified teacher, "See my new lucky rabbit's foot?"

Two other little boys were found in a utility closet reenacting a scene from Return of the Jeteye with two enormous glow-in-the-dark dildos.

Superintendent Soughtie says she's had "just about enough" problems with Defanti, indicating, "This is absolutely, positively her last verbal warning."

Make The San Francisco Onion's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 1?

5 18 4 15
66 readers are online right now!

Go to top