Written by Asheville Jack
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Topics: Earth

Thursday, 9 July 2009

image for Planet Earth Only 117 Years Old
Religious relic?

Recently Sate Sen. Sylvia Allen of Arizona caused an uproar in the press when she stated that the Earth is 6,600 years old, using the Christian Bible as her time reference. Geologist meanwhile have long held that the earth is actually billions of years old. As it turns out, neither estimate is correct. I know this because recently while watching a late night episode of Mecham Auto Auction on TV, I had what can only be described as mystical religious experience. Now, the truth can be told for the first time.

The earth is only 117 years old, based upon the teachings of the Jackian religion. The Jackian religion is named after, well, me, and it is founded upon the premise that humans have been on this planet only from around the time of the first automobile. If this is not true then why are there no automobiles older than 117 years.

The first major tenet and glorious guarantee of the Jackian religion is that if you ever suffer from a flat tire while traveling on one of life's unfair roads, I will mysteriously appear at that exact moment to help change your tire.

I am once again seeking donations so that I might complete the new temple in the Arizona desert (where else) on Route 86 which I have decided to name Jack's Last Chance for 200 Miles Church and Service Station Emporium. Remember, those who have donated in the past also report fewer costly engine repairs. Why temp fate!

I would like want to take this moment to give a 'shout out' and thank the good folks of Arizona for welcoming me and the motoring worlds only true religion into their state. Here I feel I am truly among my own kind.

Proverb for today: If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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