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Wednesday, 8 July 2009

image for Palin Leaving Office to Take Politikal Science Klasses
While in town, Governor Palin dropped off some completed forms at kollege's admissions office (above).

KOTZEBUE, AK - Sarah Palin, governor of America's last frontier, spoke to a cheering crowd of 300 in a remote Alaskan village 30 miles North of the Arctic Circle today, finally addressing speculation concerning her seemingly inexplicable decision to abort her governorship in the third trimester despite a possible run for the White House in 2012.

Alaska's congenial governess was well received, finding a broad base of conservative support among a people whose economy relies heavily on hunting, fishing, and whale blubber harvested in accordance with traditional Inupiat methods.

Once the native Inuit drums and dancing had subsided, Palin revealed she will begin attending klasses at Kotzebue Kommunity Kollege (not to be confused with Potrzebie U, attended by Alfred E. Neuman) shortly before the sun sets later this year.

The conservative contender for the presidential pageant will then "cram," attempting to memorize as much as she can about the position for which she is presently highly underqualified, hopefully at least long enough to pass a battery of moderately difficult multiple choice exams.

As expekted, politikal science will constitute the bulk of her kourse load, though looking back on her disastrous interview with Katie Kouric, Palin indikated it "might be in her best interest" to take several pertinent klasses to supplement her Bachelor's degree in kommunikations-journalism as well.

Palin also reported she is "still mulling over" her housing situation; though her age allows her exemption from mandatory on-campus residency in one of the log-cabin dormitories, she explained, not to mention the prospect of sharing an igloo's "facilities," her home in Wasilla is nevertheless a 4-hour plane ride away from her kourses at Kotzebue.

It's either that, or a 14-day commute by dogsled followed by a grueling 20-mile kayak ride over icy-cold waters while keeping an eye open for Russians, so she faces "a very important decision here."

No other details were forthcoming; Governor Palin abruptly stepped down from the podium in the middle of her speech, boarded her sled, and mushed her dogs away, leaving the perplexed crowd to gaze bemusedly at the giant moose roasting in her honor on a spit in the middle of the town square.

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