WASILLA, Alaska - Soon to be ex-Governor Sarah Palin is strongly denying rumors that she and her husband Todd are getting a divorce.
The governor wanted to make it perfectly clear that the divorce rumors are just that...rumors.
She said that she wanted to let the media know that her husband Todd and Nanicka Zapalicka, a 27-year-old stunningly beautiful Eskimo-American salmon fishing guide are just merely soul mates and nothing more.
Governor Palin said that although she has never met Miss Zapalicka in person she has seen three photos of her that Todd keeps in his wallet.
Palin said that her husband told her that Zapalicka has in fact accompanied him on several snowmobile racing trips but that their relationship is strictly platonic, much like Donny and Marie Osmond's.
The governor says that she completely trusts her husband and that when she asked him if he and Nanicka stayed in the same motel room he told her that they do not, but did say that they do occupy rooms adjacent to each other.
Saracuda, as her maternal grandmother calls her, says that she has total confidence that her hubby Todd would never stray, cheat, or be unfaithful.
She smiles that hockey mom smile and asks, "Hey, has everyone already forgotten that I am probably one of the best shots in the entire Northern Hemisphere?"
"Snowplow" Sarah then adds with a tinge of complete confidence, "Todd knows that If I wanted to I could easily shoot the left ear off of a baby cricket at 100 yards."
The Alaskan governor takes a sip from her glass of moose milk and states, "So there is no way on earth that my man is going to mess around with Nanicka Zapalicka, or Jennifer Aniston, or even that letter turnin' Vanna White."
Palin laughs, winks, and adds, "No way, no how, no McCain."
In other news. Queen Latifah is not at all happy with Kim Jong Il's threat to fire a missile at her house. The Queen said, "I will meet that Amy Winehouse-haired, rice-eyed lookin' sumbitch anywhere he wants, a Wal-Mart parking lot, over at the La Brea Tar Pits, or in the outside eating area of a Panda Express."